Day 63

It has been harder and harder to have a picture to blog about. Partly b/c a lot of the pictures might start to look the same, but also b/c a picture of the last few days/weeks might be a picture of either one of the kids, or me, throwing a fit. Of course, the kids never see me throw a fit, but I have felt insane lately. I've been trying to figure out why I feel this way, and there are a lot of contributing factors. A major one is the fact that we moved twice in two years and both times with little kids. It seemed moving to Texas wouldn't be as hard as it has been, but it has still been incredibly hard for many reasons. One major reason, is the personality of my daughter and me. We are both social creatures and have not really met our social needs here yet. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thankful to live by family, but they aren't a part of our everyday. They are our special day. So, to Ali, I am her everyday. And sometimes, she wants me to be her every minute. It's hard to tell her to entertain herself when she has already been doing that all day. Going shopping is pointless without a large bank account. Playing at the park was difficult with the weather. Life just has felt really hard, and how do we move forward without my hurting someone??? A schedule. Routine. Boundaries. Expectations. All those words make me feel a little like I can't breathe and a little like the handcuffs are coming off. So, I've been trying to find a schedule that incorporates already who we are and what we do, with who we need to be and support what we're missing. So a little snuggle time with eachother while reading books has lead to a little curriculum with a little activities. It's directed and focused attention for the kids, while giving me my outlet for a passion of mine...making things make sense to kids. So this is the first activity we did after reading a book, The Very Busy Spider.



They each drew a spider web. Emmett used chalk and Ali used a white crayon. I think they both turned out well. But really, this whole thing was an accidental realization of an answer to prayers - "god don't let me lose myself while I give to my family". What a struggle that feels sometimes. And sometimes you don't have the energy to fight for yourself. God loves you an doesn't want you to be lost in the process. How you remain yourself looks totally different from every other mom. It's hard to find who you are, who your family is, and how to balance all of that with everything else life has in store. Thank you Jesus for the small successes along the way!



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